Cold Cock the S.O.B!

A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a bar one evening and said to the bartender "Give everyone a drink except that gay guy over there". About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order, "Give everyone a drink except that gay guy over there." The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartender asks why, and the gay guy says "I am going to put one in each cheek, go over there, and cold-cock that big son-of-a-bitch!" 

Dwarf Had Enough

One day a dwarf is sitting in his local pub when suddenly a thug walks in and strikes him on his head with his hand and says "Thats a chop from ju-jitsu!" The next day the dwarfs in the bar again hoping the same won't happen again, when the thug strode in again and jabs him in the stomach. "I learnt how to do that at boxing club! Stupid dwarf!" That's it thought the dwarf I'm not taking this anymore. So, the next day when the thug was sitting at the bar the dwarf walked in and hits him so hard his head started to bleed. "Where'd you learn that?" asked the thug. "Well to begin with, you chopped me on the head with a chop you learned at ju-jutsi and then you jabbed me like you would in boxing and then I hit you with a crowbar from halfords!"

Man In Pub

A man walks into a pub with a neck brace around his neck. He asks for a pint. The bartender gives him one. Then the man asks, "Who's in the lounge?" The bartender replies. "15 people playing darts." The man says, "Get them a pint too." Then he asks, "Who's upstairs?" The bartender replies, "150 people at the disco." The man says, "Get them a drink too." The bartender says, "That will be $328 please." The man says, "Sorry but I haven't got that much money on me." The bartender says, "If you were at the pub a mile from here, they would of broke your neck." The man says, "I've all ready been there."