As Long As A Cat's Tail

Two men are in a bar are boasting about their prowess and one of them says, "My cock is longer than that cat's tail." A bet is made, the bartender supplies a ruler, and the cat is roused and measured. When the bartender begins the second measurement, the stud says, "Just a moment! Where did you measure that cat's tail from?" "From the asshole." says the bartender. "Well, kindly do me the same favor."

Flush

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom.  A few minutes later, a loud, blood- curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. The bartender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!" The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." The bartender opens the door and looks in.  You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!

Dads in a Bar

Two dads walk into a bar...
One turns to the other and says, "that hurt."