You're Violent

A guy walked into a bar and said "Beers for everyone, even you, Bartender." But when it was time to pay, the guy didn't have the money, so the bartender beat him up. The next day the guy did the same thing, ordered a beer for everyone, even the bartender, and the bartender beat him up since the guy couldn't pay. Then the next day, the guy said "Beers for everyone! But not you, bartender!" The bartender said "Why?" The guy replied "You're violent when you're drunk!"

The Knot

A string walks into a bar and asks the waiter for a beer. The waiter says, "I am sorry but we can't serve strings here."
The string goes home, ties himself in a knot, and messes up his hair. He goes back to the bar about an hour later, sits down and says, "Waiter, give me a beer." The waiter says, "Hey, aren't you the string who came in here earlier?"
The string replies, "No, I'm a fraid knot."

A Beer And One

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He asks the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.