Monahan in a Saloon

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"

Hostile Happy Hour

Q: What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar?
A: He got bombed.

The Drunk and His Mongoose

A drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"
"A mongoose."
"What for?"
"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I drink, I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."
"You idiot," the friend said. "Those are imaginary snakes."
"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box. "So is the mongoose."