A Mess of Strings

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender turns to him and says, "Sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here." The next day, clinging to a thread, the string returns to that same bar and orders a drink again. The bartender, resolute, again turns and says, "I'm sorry, sir, but like I said, we don't serve strings here. I'm going to have to ask you not to return." Dejected, the string returns home. All night he tosses and turns, wriggles and writhes, and awakes the next morning not at all resembling himself. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he brightens and jets out his door to that bar. Swaggering in, he orders a drink one more time. The bartender stares at him, squinty eyed, and asks, "I'm sorry, are you a string? You look very familiar." The string locks eyes with the bartender, and states, "No, sir. I'm a frayed knot."

Walks Into A Bar

A guy walks into a bar, and breaks his nose!

Leprechaun Pee

A leprechaun walks into a bar. After several pitchers of beer, the leprechaun runs over to a large, mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all his legs. The guy reaches out to grab the leprechaun, only to miss him as he jumps back to his seat. "If you know what's good for you, don't come near me again, or I'll rip off your little tallywagger," yells the mean-looking guy. After a few more pitchers, the leprechaun runs over to the mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all over his legs again. This time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun. "All right, I've got you this time. I warned you -- now I'm gonna rip off your little tallywagger!" The leprechaun laughs, "You can't do that." "Why not?" asks his captor. "Because," giggles the leprechaun, "leprechauns don't have tallywaggers." "Whadda ya mean you don't have a tallywagger?" growls the angry man, "How in the hell do you pee?" "Just like this," laughs the leprechaun as he sticks out his tongue and spits.