Green and Sings

Q: What's green and sings?
A: Britney Spearagus.

Lectropositive Mama

'Lectropositive Mama (tune, Lady Madonna)
'Letropositive mama, Cesium on your meat, Wonder how you manage, To stay on your feet. How d'ya stand the smokin'? How d'ya 'bide the flame? Do you think that life's just A burnin' game. Monday night your hunger's a blue fire, Tuesday morn' you're cookin' 'fore the sun. Wednesday rain, you're only flamin' higher, Having your fun. 'Lectropositive mama, Cinders in your curls, No way can compare you, To ordinary girls. Likin' the explosions, Rock you on your seat. How can any woman handle All that heat? 

French Horn Jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post?
A: A goal post that can't march.
Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.
Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
A: "Hi. I did that piece in junior high."
Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section?
A: Have them miss every other note.
Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?
A: You can tune a '57 Chevy.