Bless Me Father, For I Have Sinned

The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin... it's simply a mistake."

Face to Face

Person 1: "Hey, how's your face feeling?"
Person 2: "Fine. Why?"
Person 1: "Because it's killing me!"

Born Ugly

When you were born, you were so ugly, the doctor slapped your mother.