Who's the Boss?

The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss, since I control what the person thinks."
The hands said, "I should be boss because I do almost everything for the person."
The legs declared, "I should be boss since I carry the body and all the weight is on me."
So they went on, each stating their qualities and uses.Then the Asshole spoke up, "I think I should be boss, because.."
He had not finished when everyone else started laughing at him.
"You, an asshole, be the boss? You gotta be kidding!"
The asshole was very unhappy, and he closed himself up.The body soon suffered a terrible constipation, and the organs could not take it anymore.
"Ok, ok, you're the boss!" They gave in. So the asshole became the boss of the body.
The moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss, you just need to be an asshole.

Great News

This 55- year- old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed, laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous; what on earth are you doing?" She says, "I just got the results of my annual physical and my doctor said I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 55-year-old ass?" She says, "Your name never came up!"

Shiners

A man comes home from work sporting two black eyes. “What happened to you?” asks his wife. “I’ll never understand women,” he replies. “I was riding on the escalator behind this pretty young girl, when I noticed her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!” “I see, and how did you get the second black eye?” asks his wife. He replies, “Well, I figured she liked it that way, so I pushed it back in again.”