Yo Mama - Long Distance

Yo mama is so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself.

Long Nose

Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it'd be a foot!

Shiners

A man comes home from work sporting two black eyes. “What happened to you?” asks his wife. “I’ll never understand women,” he replies. “I was riding on the escalator behind this pretty young girl, when I noticed her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!” “I see, and how did you get the second black eye?” asks his wife. He replies, “Well, I figured she liked it that way, so I pushed it back in again.”