Talking Cow

A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story. "Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes, yes," the man replied."Oh! I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the farmer. "She doesn't know a thing about cars."

Catch Up

A passenger train is creeping along, finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes it's slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

Bull Talk

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch and the prospect raised a discussion among them. 
First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't givin' him any of mine."
Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'em till I run him off or kill 'im, but I AM KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT!  The biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point. 
First Bull: "You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting -- the bull's equivalent of an Ape's beating his chest or Man's bone-chilling, war-like cry of, "Stay away from my Woman, Vato!!
First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Hell , Mister, he can have ALL MY COWS.  I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"