Chess Playing Cat

Two little ladies were shopping in the mall when Joanne smiled: "My cat can really play chess!" With a shocking expression, Angelina praised Joanne's cat: "Really? It must be very smart!" Just when Angelina finished her sentence, Joanne said: "Well... Actually, I don't know about that. I usually win three out of four times."

A Real Bastard

A little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping. His tears are streaming down his cheeks. An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him. "What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?" "It's mean!", the boy sniffed, "My daddy drowned all four little kittens we had yesterday!" "That's awful indeed!", the lady replied angrily, "Your father is a real bastard!' "Yes", said the little boy, "He had promised to me that I could do it."

Kitty Replacement

A man runs over a cat. The cat’s address is on its collar so the man goes to apologize to the owner. He knocks on the door and a little old lady answers. The man says, “I’m so sorry. I’ve just run over your cat. Can I replace it?” “I don’t know,” replies the old lady. “How are you at catching mice?”