Need Alcohol?

I hate when people say you don't need alcohol to have fun.
You don't need running shoes to run but it fucking helps.

Off the Cliff

The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck.
"Good lord, mister," he gasped, "are you drunk?"
"Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am, a stunt driver?"

Wrong Bus

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"