A No-Frills Airline

You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If:

• They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
• All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
• Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
• If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.
• You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
• Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
• The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
• When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
• The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
• You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once."
• No movie. Don't need one.
• Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
• You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.
• All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel. 

The Nun and the Fortune Teller

This nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. When she looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So she thought to herself  "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me". So she went over to the machine and she put her nickel in and card came out and it said, "You're a nun you weigh 128 lbs and you're going to Chicago, Illinois". So she sat back down and thought about it, she thought to herself  "it probably tells everyone the same thing, I'm going try it again". So she went over to the machine again and put her nickel in it, a card came out and said, "you're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you're going to Chicago, Ill. and you're going to play a fiddle."  She said to herself I know that's wrong I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life. She sat back down and this Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down she picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music. She looked back at the machine and said "this is incredible I've got to try it again." So she went back to the machine, put her nickel in and another card came out and it said, "you're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you're going to Chicago Ill. and you're going to break wind." She thinks "I know it's wrong now I've never broke wind in public a day in my life, well she tripped and fell off the scales and FARTED like a bay mule. So she sat back down and looked at the machine once again. She said to herself this is truly unbelievable, I've got to try it again. She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and a card came out and said, "you're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you're going to Chicago Ill. and your going to have sex." She said "ah-hah that does it. I know for sure its wrong now, I'm a nun, ain't ever had none, and ain't ever gonna get none." Well a huge electrical storm came through and the electricity went off and she got raped... She sat back down and thought about it for few minutes and then said this is truly, truly, incredible. But one thing is for certain, I've got to try it again just to see what is gonna happen to me before I leave this airport. She went over to the machine put her nickel in and a card came out and it said. "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you have fiddled, farted, fucked around and missed your flight to Chicago!!!!!!!"

Why Ask Why - 2

• Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
• Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
• Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
• You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
• Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
• You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
• Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?