Police Quotes

• "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
• "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
• "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
• "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
• "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
• "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
• "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
• "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."
• "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
• "Just how big were those two beers?"
• "In God we trust, all others are suspects."

Police Stop

A cop stops a miner for speeding on the highway.
COP: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Miner: mine

The Unfair Speeding Ticket

A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.  The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"  "Ever go a fishin'?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.  "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch 'em all?"