Doctor Tee-Pee

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.
Doctor: You're too tents.

Don't Want to Hear from Surgeon

Three things nobody wants to hear the surgeon say:

1. Oops.
2. Has anyone seen my watch?
3. That was some party last night. I can't remember WHEN I've been that drunk!

How I Want to Go

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the doctor and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats. Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come? The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves... and that's how I want to go."