Don't Drop the Soap

Q: Why did the prison switch to liquid soap?
A: It's harder to pick up.

Answering Machine - Tapeless

Hello, we are all currently home, but someone stole our phone, as well as the recording tape from this answering machine. So you can't reach us until we either find a phone or get a tape. If you had to waste a quarter on this call... Sorry. 

Married A Convcit

First Convict: I heard the Warden's daughter up and married a guy down on Cellblock D. The Warden's mighty upset about it too.
Second Convict: Why? Because she married a con?
First Convict: No. Because they eloped!