The Pharmacist

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."  Immediately, the husband drove downtown to accuse the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store, there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, I finally got back to answer it." The pharmacist continues, "It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!!!"

Got HAGS?

The doctor tells his patient that he has “HAGS.”“What on earth is HAGS?” asks the patient. The doctor replies, “It’s a combination of herpes, aids, gonorrhea and syphilis. The only cure is complete isolation and a diet of pancakes and bacon.” “Pancakes and bacon?” asks the patient. “Yes,” says the doctor. “It’s the only food we can slide under the door.”

Old Engineers

Old engineers never die, they just lose their bearings