Stupid Questions

Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity:
 
Grand Canyon National Park...

Was this man-made?
Do you light it up at night?
I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it?
So where are the faces of the presidents?
 
Everglades National Park...

Are the alligators real?
Are the baby alligators for sale?
Where are all the rides?
What time does the two o'clock bus leave?
 
Denali National Park (Alaska)...

What time do you feed the bears?
Can you show me where the yeti lives?
How often do you mow the tundra?
How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
 
Mesa Verde National Park...

Did people build this, or did Indians?
Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
What did they worship in the kivas -- their own made-up religion?
Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?
 
Carlsbad Caverns National Park...

How much of the cave is underground?
So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?
Does it ever rain in here?
How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?
So what is this -- just a hole in the ground?
 
Yosemite National Park...

Where are the cages for the animals?
What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?
Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?
 
Yellowstone National Park...

Does Old Faithful erupt at night?
How do you turn it on?
When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?
We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?

Sleeping on a Train

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

Are You From America?

During a business trip to China, I was browsing through a department store in Beijing when a staff member timidly approached me. "Excuse me," she said. "Are you American?" "Yes, I am," I answered. "What state are you from?" she asked. "Texas, " I replied proudly. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, obviously disappointed. "I was hoping to find someone to help me with my English."