Pair Washed Up on Island

A hurricane capsizes a cruise ship in the Caribbean. A stock broker washes ashore on a remote island. Outside of the beautiful scenery, a fresh water pool and bananas, there is little else. One day, after several months have passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appears. "Wow! I can't believe I found another person!" she exclaims. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?" "Yes, I was," he answers. "Where did you get that rowboat?" "Oh," she says, "I found it washed up on the beach. Where is your shelter?" "To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the sand," he says. She invites him to her side of the island. Once she's rowed them to her side, she ties up the boat with hand-woven rope. "It took forever to find enough washed up strands to braid that length of rope," she tells him. She leads him to a cozy bungalow painted blue and green. "I scouted for felled trees and then stained the salvaged wood with these really juicy berries I found in the jungle," she tells him. Once inside, she excuses herself to slip into something more comfortable. She returns wearing revealing silk lingerie, smiling provocatively. "I found some washed up suitcases from the cruise ship a few weeks ago," she tells him. "But now that I've found you, I finally have a reason to wear something sexy again. Tell me, haven't you been lonely? Isn't there something that you really, really miss? Something you've been longing for, too?" "Oh wow!" exclaims the man. "You mean you've found the Internet, too?!"

Signs And Notices Again

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign on a Norfolk farm: "Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left."
Sign seen in London department store: "Bargain Basement Upstairs"
Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: "Closed for official opening."
Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."
Sign in a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."
Sign in a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Camping Trip

Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.
Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.
They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.
About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."
Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."