Regular Maintenance

A man pushes his car into the garage and tells the mechanic that the engine just died on him down the street. After a few moments of tinkering under the hood, the engine is purring again. “Great,” says the driver. “How did you fix it?” “Just crap in the carburetor,” replies the mechanic. “Okay,” replies the man. “So how often do I have to do that?”

Helpful Advice For Travellers

If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with you because... what are the odds of two guys being on the same plane at the same time with a bomb?

The Bus Vomit Incident

On a cross-country bus trip, Mrs. Davis became extremely queasy due to motion sickness. She made her way to the restroom, only to find it locked. She went back to her seat, laid her head back and tried to fight off the nausea. Unsuccessfully, she rolled her head to the right and threw up on the lap of a man who was dozing and who was therefore unaware of what had happened. When the fellow awoke, he was shocked to find himself covered in vomit. Turning to him, Mrs.Davis said, "There now, are you feeling better?"