Caring for Floppy Disks

ORIGAMI: Art of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you should be able to get it jammed. Now, ask yourself. How can your disk get damaged if you can't even get it out of the drive?
SMOKE: Use cigarettes or anything that could be burnt. When you are smoking, blow directly to your disk. In that way, you will be able to destroy it soon, and if you are lucky, damage the drive as well.
PIRANHAS: If you don't have any at home, you can use a stapler, a clip, or simply write down on the disk label with a hard point pencil or pen. This wonderful method of "caring" for disks also often gives you a pretty bite-like design on the remaining pieces of the disk.
MAGNETS: They are wonderful. You can find them in the telephone, in some paper weights, and stuck on the frige door. If you can't find any, you can leave the floppies on the printer or on your display for a while, making sure that they are on.
MAIL: Put a disk in an envelope and don't write any warning on it; then mail it to someone, and that's all.
MAGIC TOUCH: Touch your floppy. As much as you can. If you have marmelade or butter in your fingers, better. Your floppy will acknowledge it.
DON'T USE ANY ENVELOPE: Archive them without their envelope, piled under a lot of papers and manuals.
DON'T MAKE BACKUPS: Of course, if you don't have any security copy, you won't have to worry about how to destroy them once you have lost the original.
SUPREME STUPIDITY: It is the best way of destroying floppies. If you practice it regularly, you'll find new methods to add to this list.

Useless Inventions

• Non stick Cellotape
• Solar Powered Flash Light
• A black highlighter pen
• Glow in the dark sunglasses
• Inflatable Anchor
• Smooth Sandpaper
• Waterproof sponge
• Waterproof Teabags
• AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
• Fireproof Matches
• Fireproof Cigarettes
• Battery powered Battery Charger
• Seatbelts for Motorbikes
• Hand powered Chainsaw
• Inflatable Dartboard
• Silent Alarm Clock
• A Pedal powered wheelchair
• Braille Drivers Manual
• Double sided playing cards
• Ejector seats for Helicopters

Technology Problems

A guy worked in the customer service call center of a national pager company. Each day, we would deal with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people. The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he keeps being paged by "Lucille." He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him. "She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said. After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number. "She leaves her name," was the reply. After establishing that the customer had a numeric only pager, the light bulb came on. "How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked. "L-O-W C-E-L-L"  Another problem solved!