Useless Inventions

• Non stick Cellotape
• Solar Powered Flash Light
• A black highlighter pen
• Glow in the dark sunglasses
• Inflatable Anchor
• Smooth Sandpaper
• Waterproof sponge
• Waterproof Teabags
• AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
• Fireproof Matches
• Fireproof Cigarettes
• Battery powered Battery Charger
• Seatbelts for Motorbikes
• Hand powered Chainsaw
• Inflatable Dartboard
• Silent Alarm Clock
• A Pedal powered wheelchair
• Braille Drivers Manual
• Double sided playing cards
• Ejector seats for Helicopters

Technology Problems

A guy worked in the customer service call center of a national pager company. Each day, we would deal with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people. The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he keeps being paged by "Lucille." He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him. "She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said. After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number. "She leaves her name," was the reply. After establishing that the customer had a numeric only pager, the light bulb came on. "How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked. "L-O-W C-E-L-L"  Another problem solved!

Product Terminology

NEW: Different colors from previous version.
ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.
UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition.
ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn't understand it.
NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix.
BREAKTHROUGH: It finally booted on the first try.
DESIGN SIMPLICITY: Developed on a shoe-string budget.
UPGRADED: Did not work the first time.
UPGRADED AND IMPROVED: Did not work the second time.