AOL/TW Merger.

Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes: Time Magazine's next "Man Of The Year" issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence. The standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, "You cwazy wabbit, you've been onwine for 5 minutes and that's way-y-y too long... we're going to boot you off!" The next time that you hear Bugs Bunny say, "Eh, what's up Doc?" he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription charge.

Why Television Is Better Than The Web

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

New Year's Resolutions

New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies...

• I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
• I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband).
• I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
• I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
• I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
• I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe...I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
• When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support." When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
• I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
• I will think of a password other than "password."
• I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.