Redneck Computer Terms

|Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add no wood.
Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'.
Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Getting' home in the winter season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte: That's what the flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.
Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: C'mon in.
Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that new rifle when your wife asks.

Alternative Microsoft Windows Advertising Slogans

At one point, Microsoft's slogan for Windows 95 was "Where do you want to go today?".  Here are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.

1. Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 give you the whole house.
2. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.
3. Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell.
4. Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows.
5. Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS.
6. Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.
7. Windows 3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.
8. Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.
9. I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.
10. I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better
11. My latest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.
12. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!
13. OS/2. Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.
14. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [A]solutely [O]f Course!
15. How do you want to crash today?

Definition of Windows

|Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows :  32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.