IBM Alert

Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) . Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse maybe used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

USENET Changes a Lightbulb

 How many USENET posters does it take to change a lightbulb
A1. Define "change"
A2. How do you know the lightbulb is out?
A3. Don't use the word "posters" to describe us, it's offensive to large sheets of papers with pictures on them which hang on walls.
A4. That question is not appropriate for this group, please take itelsewhere.
A5. I think it's perfectly appropriate, this is alt.fan.lightbulbs.
A6. Well, that's because you're a twit.
A7. Who are you calling a "twit"? Besides, you spelled "twit" wrong.
A8. Oh? And how exactly do *you* spell "twit", twit?
A9. Could you two take this to e-mail? Doesn't anyone want to talk about lightbulb fans instead of flaming?
A10. You're a twit also, who died and made you net.cop?
A11. Look, all of you, take it to alt.flame or e-mail or something.
A12. Hey, USENET is an anarchy, you have no right to tell them what to post or not post.
A13. Speaking of anarchists, why don't you all vote for Andre Marrou,Libertarian Party Candidate for President?
A14. Because the Libertarians are all twits.
A15. Wait aminit! Now we're arguing politics on alt.fan.lightbulb????
A16. Stop wasting bandwidth with this stuff!
A17. What "stuff" pray tell?
A18. Yikes! It's dark in here!
A19. Define "dark".
A20. I mean the lightbulb must be out.
A21. So change it.
A22. Define "change"...

Demons' Favorite Sitcom

Q: What is the demons' favorite TV sitcom?
A: Fiends!