Tech Talk

• Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
• Definition of an upgrade: old bugs out, new ones in.
• C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
• Why doesn't it ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename"?
• As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
• Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
• E Pluribus Modem
• >File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• Ethernet (n): something used to catch the Etherbunny.
• A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.
• A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
• Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
• Windows: just another pane in the glass.
• Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
• All computers wait at the same speed.
• Go ahead, make my data.
• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
• ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

Light Bulb - USENETers

Q: How many USENETers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They are so busy hogging up bandwidth taking out their postadolescent frustrations on each other, that they never get around to it!

Printer Woes

Don't ever let your ink-jet printer know that you waited till the last minute to print something urgent. 
They can sense fear.