Computer Dictionary

BIT - A word used to describe computers, as in "Our daughter's computer cost quite a bit."
BOOT - What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skill.
BUG - What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: What computer magazine companies do to you after they get you on their mailing list.
CHIPS - The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
COPY - What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time playing games on your computer and not enough time studying.
CURSOR - What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in "You %@& computer!"
DISK - What goes out of your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
DUMP - The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install games on your computer.
ERROR - What you made when you first walked into a computer showroom "just to look."
EXPANSION UNIT - The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.
FILE - What a secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day, now that the computer does her day's work in 30 minutes.
FLOPPY - The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see "CHIPS").
HARDWARE - Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.
IBM - The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you'll pay attention to them again.
MENU - What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.
PROGRAMS - Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up.
RETURN - What lots of people do to their computers after they receive their first billing from their internet service provider.
TAB - What your friends pick up when they meet you for lunch because you spent all your money on new software.
TERMINAL - A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot computers.
WINDOW - What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.

PC Support

Tech Support hotlines are not easy work, you get calls from all sorts of idiotic users that apparently can't read a manual, or lack common sense. Here is a transcript of just one such case:
Caller "Hello is this Packard Bell Tech support?"
Tech "Yes how can I help you?"
Caller "The cup holder on front of my computer broke off and it is still under warranty, how do I go about getting it fixed?"
Tech "Excuse me, you've stumped me. How did you get this cup holder, was it part of some promotion?"
Caller "It came with the computer, I don't know of any promotion."
Tech "Does it have any markings on it, any names, any symbols?"
Caller "Yes, it says 4X!"

Computer Related Bumper Stickers

1. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
2. <-------- The information went data way
3. The name is Baud...James Baud.
4. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
5. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
6. C:V> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
7. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
8. Backups? We don' *NEED* no stinking backups.
9. E Pluribus Modem
10. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
11. Ethernet: something used to catch the etherbunny
12. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?
13. 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
14. Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
15. SENILE.COM found; Out Of Memory
16. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
17. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
18. COFFEE.EXE Missing- Insert Cup and Press Any Key
19. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
20. E-mail returned to sender - insufficient voltage. 
21. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
22. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
23. Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
24. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
25. REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
26. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
27. Hit any user to continue.
28. Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
29. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
30. (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?