Heaven Playing Sports

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. "Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches." "I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."

Dentist

Dentist: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams."
Patient: "Why, Doc? It isn't all that bad this time."
Dentist: "Well, there are about 20 people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock Braves game on Channel 4."

A Really Hard Thrower

"Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch."
- Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver