Princess and Frog

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, "I don't freakin' think so!"

Single women can't fart

Do you know why single women can't fart?
Because they don't get assholes until they get married.

Men Float

Q: Why do men float better than women?
A: Because they're scum.