The Scientists and the Mermaid

Three scientists decided to go fishing one day.  They packed up all of their gear and headed down to the lake.  They were having terrible luck, and weren't catching a thing.  But all the sudden, one of the scientists feels a pull at his line. He shouts out, "I got something, I got something!"  So he reels his catch in and much to his surprise, it's a mermaid. The mermaid tells the scientists, "If you let me go, I will grant you each one wish."  Well they think that's a pretty good deal, so they agree.
The first scientist, the one who caught the Mermaid, tells her, "I want you to double my IQ." The Mermaid says, no problem, snaps her fingers, and suddenly he's solving all of these problems they had been working on for months.
The next scientist thinks that's pretty neat, so he tells the Mermaid, "I want you to triple my IQ."  So the Mermaid says, "No problem." snaps her fingers once again, and now this scientist is finding cures for AIDS and Cancer.
So the last scientist is really excited about all of this. He tells the Mermaid, "I want you to quadruple my IQ."  The Mermaid looks at him and says, "Are you sure about this? I'm not so sure you want to do that."  But the scientist is stubborn and tells her, "You granted the other guys wishes, now grant mine or we're not letting you go.  "So the Mermaid sighs and says, "Whatever you want."
She snaps her fingers and the scientist turned into a woman!

More M & M's?

Q: Why don't men eat more M & M's?
A: They are too hard to peel!

Element : Man

Element: Man Symbol: Ah (short for Asshole)
Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be as short as 4inches.
Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs)
Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.
Physical properties :

1. Surface often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others. 
2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts if treated like a God.
3. Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol). 
4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution. 
5. Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo (Snore... zzzzz).
6. Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
7. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
8. Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
9. Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore.
10. When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied

Chemical properties :

1. All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible. 
2. May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely favorable conditions. 
3. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo. 
4. Usually willing to react with whatever is available. 
5. Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction effects (which tend to turn the specimen bright red. 
6. Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/bloody.)
7. When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements. 
8. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
9. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety. 
10. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

Storage :
  Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.
Uses :

1. Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo... 
2. Can be used in recreational activities.

Tests :
 Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.
Caution : 
Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very maleable under correct conditions.