The Rules ... by Men

1. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
2. If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret, girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
3. If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
4. It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.
5. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?
6. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
7. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
8. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
9. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.
10. Women who wear Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
11. When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.
12. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

Chauvinist Pigs...Bulb?

Q:  How many male chauvinistic pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  None. Let the bitch do it by herself. Or None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.

Great Female Comebacks

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
 
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
 
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
 
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
 
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
 
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
 
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"
 
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
 
Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
 
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then why aren't you leaving me alone?"
 
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
 
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
 
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
 
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
 
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?