Harry Potter Do-Over
Q: Why did Harry Potter have to repeat his first year at Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft?
A: Because he couldn't spell.
I hate school and got caught skipping the other day. My principal said, "Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."
Southern Anniversary Presents
Two southern ladies are sitting at the country club by the pool. The first southern lady says, "When I had my first child, my husband bought me a diamond ring." The second lady says, "Well, isn't that nice." The first lady says, "When my second child was born, my husband took me on a cruise." The second lady says, ''Well isn't that nice." The first lady continues, "When my third child was born, my husband took me on a trip around the world." And the second lady says, once again, "Well, isn't that nice." The first lady asks, "Well, what did your husband get you when your first child was born?" The second lady replies, "My husband sent me to finish school." The first lady asks, "Well why did he do that?" And the second lady says, "So I could learn to say 'Well isn't that nice', instead of 'FUCK YOU!"
Jewish Student at Catholic School
A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school. While there the boy came home from school and studied every day. At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A's. So his parents ask him, "What motivated you to do so well in school?" He replied, "When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren't fooling around!"
Why Studying Is Better Than Sex
- You can usually find someone to do it with.
- If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.
- You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
- When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.
- A little coffee and you can do it all night.
- If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book teaser."
- You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.
- You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
- You don't have to put your beer down to do it.
- If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help.