The Preacher and the Taxi Driver.

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.  Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed!"

St Peter and the Three Nuns

Three Nuns died and were up at outside the gates of Heaven. St. Peter was there with them. St. Peter decided he needed to quiz each nun with adifferent question to see if they really desereved to go to Heaven. St. Peter asked the first nun, "Nun, who was the first man on earth?"
She replied, "That would be Adam." St. Peter let her through the gates.
St. Peter walked up to the second nun and asked her, "Nun, who was the first woman on earth?"
She replied, "That would be Eve." St. Peter let her through the gates.
St. Peter walked up to the third nun and asked her, "What was the last thing that Eve told Adam before they left Paradise?"
The nun was puzzled. She thought about it for a long time. "HHHHMMMM," she said aloud, "That's a hard one." St. Peter let her through the gates.

Heaven or Hell

A woman dies and her spirit goes to judgment. God tells her that she's not been very good but also not evil, so she can choose heaven or hell. She asks to become an angel in heaven of course.
An angel takes her on a tour of heaven. Behind a closed door she hear tortured screams. "What is that?", she asks. The angel replies, "Don't worry, they're just drilling holes in someones back to fit the wings in." They keep walking. Behind another closed door there are more screams. "Don't worry, they're just drilling a hole in the head to hold the halo."
The woman yells, "If this is heaven, take me to hell!"
"But you'll be brutally raped there all day for eternity!" replies the angel.
Says the woman, "I already have holes for that!"