Guy Has 3 Questions in Heaven

This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions. Guy: "Why are girls so pretty?" God: "So you'll like them." Guy: "Why are girls soft?" God: "So you'll like them." Guy: "Why are girls so dumb?" God: "So they'll like you."

Jonah and the Whale.

A lady on an airliner was reading her bible. The man sitting next to her gave a little chuckle and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?" "Of course I do. It is the Bible.",  the lady replies.  "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?", he asked. "Oh, Jonah ... Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible." she replied. "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?", he asked.  "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him." said the lady.  "What if he isn't in heaven?", the man asked sarcastically.  "Then YOU can ask him." replied the lady!

Stairway to Heaven

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette went to heaven. "There are 1,000 steps to heaven and I will tell you a joke at every step. If you laugh, you don't get to heaven," God told the girls. The redhead made it to the 45th step, the brunette made it to the 200th step, and the blonde made it to the 999th step. When the blonde arrived at the 999th step, she laughed before God could even tell her the joke. "What's so funny? I haven't even told the joke yet," God said. "I know! I just got the first one!" the blonde replied.