Why Divorce Now?

After 40 years of marriage, Jimmy decides to leave Katherine. She starts crying and then asks, "How can you do this, Jimmy? How can you just walk out? The first year we were together, you caught pneumonia and almost died! Who sat by your bed and nursed you back to health? Me! And when you lost half your family in the terrible car crash, who kept you going and kept your spirits up? Me! And when our kids grew up and ran away from home, who sat with you can comforted you? Me! And when you lost everything last year in the fire at the store, who stayed at your side the whole time? Me! How could you leave me, Jimmy? You've been through everything with me." Jimmy replies, "That's just the problem, Katherine! You're just fucking bad luck!"

Professional Lemon Picker

Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do. The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers and voted for Obama."

Spending the Night

My friend asked me, "Why are you getting a divorce?" I responded, "My wife wasn't home the entire night and in the morning she said she spent the night at her sister's house." He said, "So?" And I responded, "She's lying. I spent the night at her sister's house!"