Blonde Intelligence

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.

Divorce Disorder

My Aunt got a divorce and I asked how she felt. She said, "I thought I had an anxiety disorder but it turns out it was just your Uncle."

Marriage Quotes

• In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth Ashley
• Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
• No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac
• Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray Bandy
• Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - Baskins
• I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
• Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
• The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose Bierce
• I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette
• Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. - Borge
• In the blithe days of honeymoon, With Kate's allurements smitten, I lov'd her late, I lov'd her soon, And call'd her dearest kitten.But now my kitten's grown a cat, And cross like other wives. O! By my soul my honest Mat, I fear she has nine lives. - James Boswell "Life of Johnson"
• A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle. - Boudelaire
• For a male and female to live continuously together is...biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition. - Robert Briffault
• My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. - Lenny Bruce
• Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya." This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do..." - Lenny Bruce
• Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. - Al Bundy
• Nothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin! - Al Bundy
• Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife. - Al Bundy
• I hate work. That's why I got married. - Peg Bundy
• I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with. - Peg Bundy
• The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein' big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong. - Archie Bunker
• In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved. - Butler
• If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. - Chekhov
• Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton
• An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
• The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge