Signs Your Relationship Is On The Rocks

Top Ten Signs Your Relationship Is On The Rocks
10. Her term of affection for you is "You Bastard."
9. She shaves your eyebrows off while you are asleep.
8. She rushes to answer the phone each time it rings, and puts it down with a hushed, "I can't talk now... I'll call you later."
7. Your picture on her wall has darts in it.
6. She reads books like "Women are From Venus, Men Are Complete Assholes."
5. She falls asleep during sex. The oral kind. While she's giving it.
4. When you call her, she answers your voice with, "Oh. It's only you."
3. She cancels your date because she has to clean out the septic tank.
2. She makes inquiries about going on the Witness Protection Program.
1. Her cat pees on you. And receives a reward.

The News

When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed
My name, my address, my phone number

Incompatible

Once heard from a girl who just broke up with someone:
My old boyfriend and I weren't compatible. I'm a virgo and he's an asshole!