Four Feet

A business woman comes home late one night and quietly opened the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four feet instead of two. She can't believe her husband would cheat on her. In a rage, she reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. She begins crying and goes to the kitchen to have a stiff drink. 
As she enters, she's startled to see her husband sitting at the table reading a magazine. “Hi Darling,” he said, “Your parents were driving to Florida and surprised us with a visit."  They're only staying for the night so I gave them our bedroom.

New Insurance Policy

After their house burned down, Mary Ann, his wife, called the insurance company. Mary Ann tells the insurance agent, "We had that house insured for one hundred thirty thousand dollars and we want our money." The agent replies, "Whoa there, just a minute. It doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of your house and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." Mary Ann thought for a moment and then told the agent, "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."

Vegas Brothel

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!" The Madam is astonished.
"But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies,
"Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."