You Might Be a Redneck If... Collection 65

You might be a redneck if...

• Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite.
• Burger King won't let you do it your way, right away.
• You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can't remember your wife's birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary.
• You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how old your children are.
• Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts.
• You think a computer hacker carries an axe.
• You keep a chainsaw in the trunk "just in case."
• You've given your gun a woman's name.
• Baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech tools.
• You go to the post office to research your family tree. 

Signs You're a Redneck Jedi

• Your Jedi robe is camo-colored.
• You use your light saber to open and cook cans of pork and beans.
• At least one wing of your X-Wing fighter is primer-colored.
• There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

You Might be a Redneck If... You have

You might be a redneck if...

• You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.
• You have barnyard animals living in your house.
• Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.
• Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."
• Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.
• You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.
• You have ever shot a possum on your porch.
• You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs when they get into it.
• You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.
• You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house... not including 22 caliber.