Home Leave

A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. "Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave." "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. "Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked. A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?" "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies. "Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks. The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."

#1 Gay Bar Pickup Line

Q: What's the #1 pick up line in a gay bar?
A: Can I push your stool in?

Jumping

A soldier comes home on leave and tells his wife about his parachute training. “It was terrible,” he says. “I was in the plane and ready to jump, when I froze. I couldn’t move. The Seargent came up behind me, got out this enormous dick of his and said he’d stick it up my ass if I didn’t jump.” “Oh my God,” says his wife. “So did you jump?” “Well, yes,” says the soldier. “A little bit – at first.”