Genie - Revival

Bill Clinton was driving past the White House when he accidentally ran over the Obama’s new puppy, Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter.
He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught.  He knew Michele would go ballistic.
Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground.   He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out.
"You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant you one wish."
"Well,"said Bill, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this damned dog."
They walk over to the splattered remains of Sunny.   "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" Bill asked.
The Genie looked at the remains and shook his head.  "This critter is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life.  Maybe there's something else you'd like?"
Bill thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I had an affair with this beautiful young girl called Monica," said Bill, showing the
genie the first photo. "But I’m actually married to this woman called Hillary" and he showed the genie the second photo. "You see Hillary isn't beautiful at all,
so do you think you can make her look like Monica?"
The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Damn, let's have another look at that dog!"

AOC with Grenade

Q: What do you do if AOC throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Dear Abby - Help in DC

Dear Abby,
My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month. If I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest but already we can hardly keep up with the interest. Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors
that most of them no longer speak to us.
The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims.
Finally the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?
Signed,
Lost in DC

Dear Lost:
Stop whining, Michelle. You get to live in the White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for everything for you. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the SOB for two more years!

Signed,
Abby