New Born Puppies

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies one morning. Zohran Mamdani was on his morning run, and asked the boy what kind of puppies were in the box. The little boy said, "Socialist." Mamdani beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Atta boy!" A few weeks later Mamdani was walking down the same street but this time he was with Bernie Sanders.  Zohran stopped at the boy's house, winked at Bernie and said, "Hey kid, what kind of puppies are in the box?" The boy said, "Republicans" Mamdani looked crushed, saying, "What happened? A few weeks ago they were Socialists!" The boy said, "Well, the puppies opened their eyes."

Let's Vote Now

Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket. Bill says: "Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver." They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Bush and Reagan get one vote each; Clinton gets six. 

Constipated President Bush

President George W. Bush is hit by a strong case of constipation. He sends his Spanish secretary, who knows little English, to the local hospital. She tells the doctor, "Big President Bush, no shit."
The doctor understands and gives him some medicine to take with him. The next day, the secretary comes back again and says, "Big President, no shit." The doctor gives him even stronger medicine. A few days later, the secretary comes yet again and says, "Big President, big no shit." The doctor gives him the strongest medicine he has. The next day, the secretary comes back to the doctor and says, "Ba-Boom! Big shit, no President."