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The best jokes and joke writers!


Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."

Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Only One

Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."

Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."

Under a Rock

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"

Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

I'd Love To But... (Pt III)

More goofy excuses you can use to get out of going somewhere you just don't wanna go to. I'D LOVE TO BUT:

  • I have to go to court for kitty littering.
  • I have to jog my memory.
  • I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
  • I have to rotate my crops.
  • I have to sit up with a sick ant.
  • I have to stay home and see if I snore.
  • I have to study for a blood test.
  • I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
  • I prefer to remain an enigma.
  • I think you want the OTHER (fill in your name here).
  • I'm going to be old someday.
  • I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
  • I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
  • I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
  • I'm trying to cut down.
  • I'm up to my eardrums in waxy buildup.
  • I've been traded to Cincinnati.
  • My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
  • Mmy favorite commercial is on TV.
  • My uncle escaped... again.
  • Oooo, having fun gives me prickly heat.

Pick up Return

And here's one including the correct snappy return.

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"

Woman: "Unfertilized, fuck off!"