Drive with Grandpa

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers?  Well, here it is:
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends.   Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all.  He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed.  Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.  "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.   "Oh, yes, PapPap, it was really wonderful.   We didn't see a single asshole, blind bastard, dipshit or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"

Problems During Flight

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

The Blind Date

How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate. "Terrible! " the roommate answered. "He showed up his 1932 Rolls Royce." " Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?" "He was the original owner!