Old Women at the Movies

Two old ladies are at the movies. "Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off." "What makes you say that?" "He's using my hand."

Perfectly good eyesight

Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, "My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?" The second guy says, "Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit." So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it.  He turns to his buddy and says, "Did you see it?" "Sure!", says his buddy. "Where did it go?", the first guy asks. The second old man thinks for a minute and says, "I can't remember."

Life of Bad Sex

Grandma and Grandpa are sitting on the porch, when all of a sudden Grandma slaps Grandpa. "That's for 50 years of the worst sex I've ever had." They're both silent for ten minutes. Then Grandpa slaps Grandma. "That's for knowin' the difference."