Everyone Business One - Liners

• Everybody should believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer.
• Everybody's gotta be someplace.
• Everyone breaks more than the seven-year-bad-luck allotment to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
• Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
• Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
• Everyone hits a brick wall now and then; the trick is not to do it with your head.
• Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
• Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
• Everything in moderation, including moderation.
• Everything is actually everything else, just recycled. 

The Business One - Liners

• The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
• The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.
• The business plan you prepare must be a lie; but it must be a detailed and precise lie rather than a vague and general lie.
• The business world worships mediocrity.
• Officially, we revere free enterprise, initiative, and individuality. Unofficially, we fear it.
• The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
• The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to...to...uhh...
• The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
• The chaos in the universe always increases.
• The chief cause of problems is solutions.
• The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. 

You're In Big Trouble

I just knew I was in big trouble at work when: 

• The new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.
• The Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area.
• My assistant began responding to my memos with, "Yeah, whatever."
• I got a "It's for you loser" wav receiving e-mail, and not a chime.
• My new Pentium was replaced with an 386sx-16 last weekend.
• The Human Resources Department requested an update of my arrest record.
• The Boss asked if I still had a copy of my 5 year contract.
• I noticed co-workers measuring my office when I arrived at work.
• My parking spot was relocated next to the dumpster.
• My secretary says things like "Get the phone, my nails aren't dry."
• Three people began helping me write a "desk manual" for my job.
• The LAN suddenly began backing-up my computer every 10 minutes.
• A large paper recycling box was placed next to my file cabinets.
• The receptionist began saying "Who?" to anyone calling on me.