Common Sense Business Lines

• Common sense is not so common.
• Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. - Descartes, 1637
• Communication with the dead is only a little more difficult than communication with (Insert Your Favorite Group - Engineering/Financial...)
• Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.
• Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
• Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
• Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
• Confusion creates jobs.
• Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
• Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren't. 

Be Happy With Your Job

Be happy with you job, these people are not!

• Nuclear Warhead Sensitivity Technician
• Circus Elephant Clean Up Specialist
• Rotten Sardine Taste Detector
• Assistant To The Boss's Nephew
• Shark Baiter
• Hurricane Photographer
• Director Of Public Relations, Chernobyl Nuclear Facility
• Prison Glee Club President
• Road Kill Removal Crew

Asleep At The Desk

If you get caught sleeping on the job, here's some quick excuses

• It's okay...I'm still billing the client.
• "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
• This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time-management course you sent me to.
• I was working smarter, not harder.
• "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
• "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
• This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
• I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance
• I'm in the management training program actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP)
• You learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.
• "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamt about work!"
• I was doing a highly specific yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?
• "Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
• The coffee machine is broken
• Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot.
• Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!
• It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?
• I was cross-training for telecommuting.
• Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!
• Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.
• The mailman flipped out and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.
• I thought you(boss) were gone for the day.