Short Term Job

I had a job once, it lasted a month. I finally called the boss and said, "I can't come in for a few days." He said, "What's the matter, you sick?" I said, " No, I just have to wait until this thought of wanting to kill you goes away."

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard IX

Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

Idiots And Geography

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?". Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"