Yo Mama - Your Birthday

Yo mama is so poor, she dumpster dives for your birthday presents.

You Might Be A Redneck If - 17

You might be a redneck if...

• You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.
• The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.
• Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.
• You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.
• You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.
• When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.
• Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".
• You own more than two clappers.
• You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.
• You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents. 

Don't Say To Security

The Top 10 Things You Should Not Say To A Security Guard When Caught Stealing Coins From A Mall Fountain

1. "Isn't there a robbery at the Orange Julius you should be investigating?"
2. "I'm searching for a hard to find 1998 nickel."
3. "DUH!! The Gap is having a sale!"
4. "Did you know that it now costs 35 cents to make a phone call?"
5. "Thanks idiot... I had just made a wish that I could clean the fountain out and not get caught! Way to ruin that wish!!"
6. "Have you seen that really cool gumball machine in the food court? It rolls down a spiral ramp!"
7. "I'm at the last level of Mortal Kombat IV and I need another quarter."
8. "I'm trying to match the exact amount of your worthless paycheck you Barney Fife wannabe!"
9. "See..I need a quarter to make a phone call to my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous sponsor and that's why I'm stealing the quarters in the fountain. I NEED HELP MAN!!!"
10. "I'm looking for beer money"