The Big Scare

Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason for his haste he shivered and replied: "I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to repossess me."

It Takes Money

A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. "Out drinking again!?" she says. "How much money did you spend this time?"  "$100,"  answers the man. "$100!" she shouts. "That's ridiculous, spending that much in one night!"  "Easy for you to say," he replies. "You don't smoke, you don't drink, and you have your own pussy."

A Minister's Family

After his wife had a baby, the new minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed, and again, the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation voiced their unhappiness over the increasing expenses. The minister stood up and shouted "Procreation is an act of God!" An old man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"