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Military Jokes
What time is it?
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
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Girls Prep School Social
The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: "We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. "Just one thing," says the lady. "Of course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from the base. Out comes a platoon of black GIs. The schoolmistress is quite distressed. "Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to a burly black Master Sergeant. "Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt. Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"
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The New Ensign
The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School. The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."
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